Photo by Jefferson Fietek Robin Sorenson (Judy), Courtney Miner (Tina) and Lorin W. Yenor (Slyvia) star in "Ruthless! the Musical" playing at the Mounds Theatre this April.

Planning for Dayton's Bluff Future

Survey: Residents OK Smoking Ban

From the Saint Paul – Ramsey County Department of Public Health
   It appears most residents are looking forward to breathing clean air in Ramsey County restaurants next month according to recent results of a secondhand smoke survey. Almost all of the non-smokers and almost half of the smokers surveyed said they would dine out at restaurants at least as often or more often if restaurants were smoke-free.
   Additionally, most of those surveyed think secondhand smoke is harmful to adults and children and believe that restricting smoking in public places does not discriminate against smokers. “These results will help guide future public health programs aimed at reducing secondhand smoke in public places,” said Rob Fulton, Director of the Saint Paul – Ramsey County Public Health. 
   Key Secondhand Smoke Survey Findings:
* The majority of Ramsey County residents would prefer to limit smoking in public places.
* 74% of smokers and 94% of non-smokers find secondhand smoke annoying.
* 63% of residents believe that restrictions on smoking in public places do not discriminate against smokers.
* 89% of residents believe that smoking should be limited around the entrances to stores and public buildings.
* 71% of residents believe that smoking should be limited at outdoor recreation areas, like parks or fairgrounds.
   600 Ramsey County residents were chosen at random to participate in the mail-in survey last fall as part of a survey project between nine local public health agencies and researchers at the University of Minnesota. The survey project was funded by the Minnesota Department of Health.
    According to Phyllis Pirie, Ph.D., a former University of Minnesota researcher who coordinated the survey, “Minnesota residents continue to demonstrate strong support for controlling exposure to secondhand smoke, particularly among children.”
   The majority of residents agree that adults should not smoke around children and that kids are more likely to become smokers if adults around them smoke.  The vast majority also agreed that smoking should be limited or banned entirely at outdoor (K-12) school events, like sporting events. The secondhand smoke survey was also conducted in: the Greater St. Cloud area, Dodge, Houston, McLeod, Nobles, Rock, Sibley, and Wabasha counties.
   Ramsey County’s smoke-free ordinance goes into effect March 31st, 2005 and requires all licensed food establishments to ban smoking or face fines. For more information about the Ramsey County Smoke-Free Ordinance visit http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/ph and for complete survey results visit http://www.epi.umn.edu/research/SHSstudy.

Dayton's Bluff Neighborhood Entrepreneur Training Graduate

Dayton's Bluff Neighborhood Entrepreneur Training graduate Dolly Eileen Spanber (left), Dale White instructor, and Kathy Moriarty, Program Coordinator at Dolly's graduation. Dolly's business is singing telegrams and entertainment.

Saint Paul Ward Caucuses

Photo by Tony Darras The democratic process in action at Harding High School.

Night Out Permits

  Neighborhood groups and block clubs planning to celebrate National Night Out and wanting to have the event in the street should start the permit process early. Permit applications need to be in early. National Night Out is on Tuesday, August 2nd this year.
   To make the process easier for community people, the Saint Paul Police Department has made it possible for all 19 Community Councils in Saint Paul to have a notary in their offices. Dayton’s Bluff Community Council has a Notary Public on staff to help make the Street Use Petition process easier
   The Police Department is also asking that neighborhood groups and block clubs get their requests for police to attend National Night Out events in to their community council early this year. Please call Karin at 651-772-2075 for more information.

Plant Sale/Exchange

Garden Artists Needed

Photo by Karin DuPaul Instructor Mary Mac and attendees of the Greening Dayton's Bluff, "Take Thyme for Herb and Container Gardening" workshop. Attendees got to take home a free herb for their herb container gardens.

Dayton's Bluff Community Recreation Calendar

2005 Home Tour

  The 2005 Dayton’s Bluff Home Tour will be held on Saturday, May 7th from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and Sunday, May 8th from 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.  It is part of the Minneapolis – St. Paul Home Tour sponsored by the Minneapolis Neighborhood Revitalization Program (NRP) and the City of Saint Paul. The Home Tour is free of charge and open to the public.
   The Dayton’s Bluff Neighborhood Home Tour features beautiful homes, new condominiums and buildings being redeveloped into condominiums.
   We can always use volunteers to help with the Home Tour.  Volunteering consists of greeting people at the door to give out brochures and information about Dayton’s Bluff, and helping the homeowners for a few hours either day.  If you’re interested, please call Karin at 651-772-2075.   

Homework Center Opens at Library

Mayor Kelly's Latest Street Beat Meeting

Mayor Kelly and neighbors at the February 24th Street Beat meeting on Beech Street.

College is Assest to East Side

by Wilson G. Bradshaw
President, Metropolitan State University
   At Metropolitan State University, active involvement in Twin Cities-area communities is no passing fad; civic engagement is woven into the institution’s fabric.
   The university’s deep-seated commitment to the community began with its foundation more than 30 years ago as an institution for urban, working adults. One of its seven strategic goals calls for Metropolitan State to serve diverse communities. The intention was - and is - to serve the public good, leveraging human, financial, and other resources to address community concerns.
   In 1991, Metropolitan State became a charter member of both the National and Minnesota Campus Compact movements. Minnesota Campus Compact comprises 48 college and university presidents committed to promoting community service.
   The university’s next step forward was the 1996 establishment of the Center for Community-Based Learning. More recently, the university joined the American Democracy Project, a national initiative that aims to make civic engagement a central learning outcome and thus reinforces Metropolitan State’s service heritage.
   Community-based learning flourishes at the university. Metropolitan State offers group internships benefiting community organizations, community-based research and development initiatives, and relationships with more than 120 community groups. Of special note: More than 20 percent of university courses feature a community-oriented component.
   A recent university wide “civic engagement audit” showed that 75 percent of Metropolitan State staff and administrators connect with the community - a rate 50 percent higher than the national average. Another recent study by Minnesota Campus Compact revealed that the university scored above the statewide average on a majority of civic-engagement indicators.
   Many of Metropolitan State’s group and individual internships connect with more than 30 community partners offering students community-building opportunities and resources. In fact, the university has won state and national attention for sustained community partnerships and multidimensional approaches to community development.
   Central to the university’s successful alliances are its respect for partner organizations, shared values and mutual interests. Community partners have an active role in choosing which community-oriented projects the university will pursue and how the resulting information will be used. 
   Project SHINE (Students Helping in the Naturalization of Elders), an initiative undertaken with Minneapolis Community and Technical College whereby students tutor mostly elder immigrants and refugees in English and help them prepare for their citizenship exam, represents one of the university’s most successful community-based service-learning efforts. About 280 students have provided 5,800-plus hours of tutoring to nearly 1,800 people at numerous community-based partner organizations. Significantly, surveys show Project SHINE augments students’ understanding of diverse cultures.
   The university’s most concentrated involvement is with numerous organizations on the East Side, where Metropolitan State is headquartered. There, the university partners with groups ranging from city planning councils to communities-of-color task forces to neighborhood associations. Faculty, students and staff chair and facilitate meetings and provide planning, research and technical support in affordable housing, youth development, job development, and placement and workforce readiness.
   The oldest university partnership is with Dayton’s Bluff Achievement Plus Elementary School. Successful strategies there have included family literacy, reading and philosophy-for-children initiatives, peer mediation, environmental education, and a college-awareness program for kids.
   The university’s ties with the East Side’s ethnically diverse and low-income neighborhoods are anchored by a new 86,000-square-foot library that opened last fall. The Saint Paul Campus contains a branch of the Saint Paul Public Library, making Metropolitan State Minnesota’s first college or university to embrace a public library.
   The combined impact of these initiatives promises to elevate Metropolitan State’s community engagement to a level sustained by the leading urban universities.
   The civic commitment makes Metropolitan State a dependable ally for the East Side. Through attention to economic development, crime prevention, affordable housing, health care, and other social services, the university will continue to be the place “where life and learning meet.” 

ECFE Supporters Visit Capitol

It takes a mom and a kid to send this message of support for ECFE.

   Thursday, Feb. 24, 2005 was Voices for Children Advocacy Day at the Minnesota State Legislature.  The theme of the rally this year was “100% Ready for Kindergarten – No Child Starts Behind.” The Ready for K call to action said, “Half of all Minnesota kids are left behind because they start kindergarten without being fully prepared.  When kids start off behind, they struggle to catch up.  Sadly, many don’t.  Call and tell your legislator this is a problem we can fix.”   This message was symbolized by the front half of a school bus parked in front of the Capitol steps on a flatbed truck.
   A group of moms, dads, kids, and staff from the Dayton’s Bluff Early Childhood Family Education Program got on a big yellow school bus (a whole one) that morning to add their voices to the demand for better state funding for programs such as quality child care, Head Start, School Readiness, and especially Early Childhood Family Education. 
   Every child had helped prepare a message for a legislator who represents his or her parents.  Among other things, every message said, “Please support Early Childhood Family Education – I want to be ready for kindergarten.”  The group also delivered close to 100 signatures in support of a petition to be presented to Gov. Pawlenty later that day.
   Some of the parents who made this trip were empowered by their very first visit to the Capitol.  Some liked helping older preschoolers begin to understand where Minnesota law is made.  Some were excited by being part of a huge group with a common purpose.  And some really liked the Teddy Bear Band.
   After the rally the Dayton’s Bluff contingent reloaded for the trip back to Dayton’s Bluff.  Some of the riders took advantage of the opportunity to sing The Wheels on the Bus.  (The bus driver joined in on some of the verses!)  Safely back at school parents and kids enjoyed a pizza lunch provided, like the bus, by the Dayton’s Bluff ECFE Advisory Council.  And we ate it all up!

Volunteer Opportunites at Marian of Saint Paul

Don't Let Ignorance Shape Our Future!

Alison McGhee

  Trinity Catholic School announced that Best Buy has awarded a $2,500 te@ch award to the school for integrating interactive technology into the curriculum. The funds will be used to enhance the Trinity Catholic School Science program and the Minnesota Science Museum Partnership. The money will be used to support the integration of technology into the Trinity- Science Museum partnership. Trinity students will be able to enhance their science program by giving them the ability to graphically show progression of a particular science experiment through the use of digital and time-lapse photography.
   “Thanks to Best Buy Company our students will be able to gain the maximum benefit from our exciting, hands an learning partnership with the Minnesota Science Museum,” said Principal Sandra Krekeler.
   Best Buy started te@ch in October 2003 to reward schools that creatively integrate interactive technology into their curricula. All accredited, public and private nonprofit elementary, middle and secondary schools located within 25 miles of a Best Buy store were eligible to apply. Awards of $2,500 were given to nearly 1,200 schools to sustain or enhance existing educational programs. Best Buy’s te@ch program has awarded $3 million to schools nationwide.
   “Today, teachers across the country are using technology in new and creative ways; we want to support and recognize their efforts to make learning fun and easy,” said Paula Prahl, VP of Public Affairs for Best Buy. “The te@ch program helps innovative educators enhance their curricula. By committing dollars to the communities in which we work and live, we can more fully support our employees, our customers, and their families.”
   Trinity Catholic School is a collaborative effort of St. Paul’s East Side churches - Sacred Heart, St. Casimir and St. Patrick. Trinity serves a culturally diverse student population and reflects the long tradition of the East Side by welcoming immigrants. For further information contact Trinity Catholic School at 651-776-2763.
   Visit www.BestBuy.com and click on Community Relations for more information on Best Buy Children’s Foundation and the education and technology-based partnerships and programs it supports.

Neighborhood News

Take a Hike
  Dayton’s Bluff Take a Hike meets on the first Saturday of every month at 10:30 a.m. in Indian Mounds Park at Earl Street and Mounds Blvd. Join us on April 2nd for the next hike.
  We hike from Mounds Park through Swede Hollow Park and then walk the length of the Bruce Vento Recreational Trail to its end, near Phalen Park.
  The hike is about 6 miles with some moderately rough terrain.  Transportation will be available near Johnson Parkway and Maryland to return to Mounds Park or you may hike back if you wish.
   The paved trail runs from East 7th Street and Payne Avenue through Swede Hollow to Phalen Park.  For more info, call 776-0550.

Grocery Give-Away
  A Grocery Give-Away will take place on Saturday, April 16 from 10:30 a.m. to noon at Mounds Park United Methodist Church, Euclid and Earl.  Free produce, dry goods and bread items will be given to anyone who can use them.  No registration or sign-up is necessary.  Sponsored by United Methodist churches on St. Paul’s East Side.  The Grocery Give-Away takes place on the third Saturday of every month.

Swede Hollow Café Book Chats
  Friday April 15, 2005, 7 pm, Sheila O’Connor will read from her novel, Where No Gods Came
  This winner of the 2003 Michigan Literary Fiction Award for original novel is a candid portrait of the unlikely faces of good and evil, and how an innocent must learn to recognize them to endure.
   Friday May 20, 2005, 7 pm, Brian Malloy will read from his novel The Year of Ice, an artfully written portrait of a young man coming to terms with the world.  The story is darkly brilliant, treacherously funny, and absolutely convincing.  Malloy’s poignant, quietly effective debut.evinces plenty of talent.in addition to a razor-sharp comic touch.
  For more information call Dayton’s Bluff Community Council at 651-772-2075. Sponsored by District Four Dayton’s’ Bluff Community Council  and Swede Hollow Café. Thanks to District Four Dayton’s Bluff Community Council, Arts and Culture Committee for arranging this opportunity.

Discount Compost Bins
  Ramsey County is again offering backyard compost bins at a reduced price of only $30 (an $80 retail value).  The offer also includes a 2-gallon closeable bucket for temporary collection of kitchen waste, and composting instructions.
   There are two ways to reserve a bin and participate:  1) Online orders are taken at www.GreenGuardian.com or, 2) telephone your order in by calling 651-292-3933.  Payments will not be accepted at the time of ordering.
   Bin pick up is at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds; Como Avenue parking lot, Saturday, April 30 and Sunday, May 1 from 10 am to 6 pm.

Greening Dayton’s Bluff
   Greening Dayton’s Bluff is looking for new members. All you have to do to register is call us. This program works with Up-Front Gardeners (a program that highlights gardeners who have gardens in the front yard and/or boulevard) and also gets involved with greening at local parks, community gardens, Buckthorn removal, greening and gardening workshops, and other related projects. 
   Participants will receive discounts on plants and gardening materials from local greenhouses and nurseries.  There will be gardening workshops, a Dayton’s Bluff Garden Contest, and other events. Two workshops are scheduled for this year.  The first will be on March 10 and be about herb and container gardening.
   Some of the other benefits are that you will other meet other neighbors and community residents that are working to make Dayton’s Bluff a better place to live. Call Karin at 651-772-2075 to register.

NEED RECYCLING BINS?
   You can pick them up at 798 East 7th Street at the corner of 7th and Margaret. Call 651-772-2075 to be sure someone is in the office.

Dayton's Bluff District Follies

Streetcars Return to Dayton's Bluff

   April 1, 2005 - Streetcars, or light rail transit trains as they are called today, will soon be traveling the streets of Dayton’s Bluff once again, just as they did over 50 years ago. 
   The first two routes to be completed are: Hudson Road-Earl St.-Burns Ave. and E. 7th St.-Johnson Parkway.  The former route will connect downtown with the SunRay area while the latter will terminate at Phalen Park.

   The cost of the system will be surprisingly low.  “This isn’t one of those new fancy-shmancy systems like they have in Minneapolis,” noted third assistant deputy mayor Marjorie Olson-Anderson-Eichenwald who is the city liaison with Metro Transit.  “Ours is built out of parts from old streetcars lines from around the world.  We bought a couple of dozen streetcars on Ebay from a city in Mexico.  Imagine our surprise when we stripped off the old paint and discovered they had been originally used right here in St. Paul.  What goes around comes around.”
   Another cost saving came from the tracks themselves.  Many of the old tracks were never removed, just paved over.  The ones on Hudson Road in particular pop up almost every spring along with the yearly crop of potholes. Rather than covering them up again, they were just left to emerge on their own. 
   Electricity to run the system is being generated by a unique form of wind power.  Olson-Anderson-Eichenwald explains:  “Wind is not reliable, but traffic is.  We are setting up wind generators all along I-94.  The back drafts from vehicles will power the windmills.  The slow downs at rush hour are more than compensated for by traffic moving at 70 to 80 mph during the day.  Big trucks speeding during the midday hours will be our greatest source of power.”
   The Hudson Road route solves another problem.  People nearby have been complaining ever since their bus route, which it should be noted followed an old streetcar route, was switched a few years ago from Hudson Road on the north side of I-94 to Pacific on the south side.  It was decided that rather than run a couple of extra buses on Hudson Road, the city would install a streetcar line instead.  “Sure it will cost a bit more,” commented Olson-Anderson-Eichenwald, “but it will look way cooler.  Besides, it’s being built with federal tax dollars so it’s basically free.”
   The 7th St. route almost didn’t happen.  It was supposed to run along the new Phalen Corridor, which unfortunately dead-ends at Arcade for the time being.  Instead of waiting for it’s completion sometime in the future, it was decided to build it on 7th St. now and then tear it out and move it over by the Phalen Corridor when that project is completed. Once again, as long as federal money is being used, it won’t cost local taxpayers anything.
    Test runs of the streetcar system have already begun.  Make sure to look for the brightly painted yellow and red cars as they pass by and wave to the motorman.  The system will not have any signals or semaphores at intersections so as Olson-Anderson-Eichenwald advises, “Be careful and use common sense when walking or driving near the streetcar tracks.  If that fails, make sure you have good auto and medical insurance.”   Happy April Fools!

Ghost Writers at the Mounds Theatre

   April 1, 2005 - A ghostwriter (one word) is a person who writes something for someone else.  A ghost writer (two words) is a spirit who writes his own story.  The Mounds Theatre has at least two of these.
   It started out simply enough.  One morning a volunteer at the Mounds Theatre discovered a computer had been left on overnight and there was some gibberish on the screen.  A few days later the same thing happened but there were a few recognizable words among the gibberish.  No one thought much of it and the computer was kept off at night for a couple of weeks.  Eventually the computer was left on again and the next morning a very discernable message was on the screen.  It stated rather crudely, “DO NOT TURN OFF THIS (expletive deleted) COMPUTER.  I’M TRYING TO GET SOME WORK DONE HERE!”
   The first thought was that some hacker had worked his way into the computer.  But there was no Internet connection so that seemed unlikely.  Or it could have been the work of some prankster working in the building.  Or, it could have been one of the ghosts that haunt the theatre.  The skeptic in the group doubted this and set up a video surveillance system to watch the computer room at night.
   The computer was left on that night with the video cameras monitoring the entire room.  Sure enough, there was more text on the screen the following morning and when the videotapes were watched there was no doubt as to who the author was.  It was a ghost.  No one was seen entering or leaving the room but words could clearly be observed appearing on the monitor with no one typing on the keyboard.  Boy, was the skeptic’s face ever red.
   This time there were several pages of text, and while the spelling and grammar weren’t perfect, its content was obvious.  It began, “The Ghosts of the Mounds Theatre, a play in three acts.”  Act 1, Scene 1 takes place in the darkened Mounds Theatre interior early in the year 2000.  A group of neighbors are poking around the old building, wondering if it can be brought back to life.  One of the people states that it is haunted.  Some agree, others just laugh. 
   Scene 2 jumps back to 1922 when the theatre is newly opened.  A young motion picture projectionist working in the theatre is falling in love with a beautiful actress who performs on stage in between silent movies.  The play follows the lives and deaths of these two people and a number of other characters against the backdrop of the movies shown at the Mounds over the many decades of its existence.    
   Pages of the play appear at random times.  Sometimes an entire scene will be on the computer the next morning; sometimes nothing appears for weeks at a time.  It is also obvious that at least two, and possibly three spirits are working on the play. Definite differences in style, tone and grammar can be seen in their work.   It appears one author is male, the other female and one might be a child.  Theatre experts who have been studying the play think there might also be some professionals at work here.  One expert thinks he recognizes the influences of Rodgers and Hammerstein in some of the musical numbers, while another believes William Shakespeare himself might be lending a hand.
   The play is still a work in progress.  The first two acts are completed but the writers seem to be having difficulties midway through the third act.  It has now returned to the present time with a play within a play titled, “Night of the Singing Dead.”  A number of rewrites of several scenes have appeared recently so hopefully the ghost writers’ block has come to an end.  A few days ago the sheet music and choreography stage directions for a tune called, ”Why Can’t Ghosts and Zombies Just Get Along?” were finished and the story now seems to be coming to a close.
    A spokesperson for the Mounds Theatre was asked to comment on “The Ghosts of the Mounds Theatre.”  Her only comment was, “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll have to see for yourself when we present it.”  Asked when that would be, she said, “You know how writers are.  It will be done when it’s done. But I can tell you this: Ticket prices are $15 for adults and $10 for students and seniors.  Group rates are also available.  Make your reservations early.  This is going to be big.”  Happy April Fools!

Casino Gaming Comes to Mounds Park

      April 1, 2005 - Unless you don’t subscribe to a newspaper and refuse to watch the news on evening television, you are aware that Governor Pawlenty is negotiating to establish a new metropolitan area casino. It will be  a joint venture of at least three Native American bands and the state of Minnesota.
    News reports have said that the location is up in the air and would be chosen after a bill passes the Legislature. But a Forum investigative team, using secret memos and transcripts of phone conversations has found that Indian Mounds Park will be the site of the new major gambling center.
    Mounds Park was chosen for a number of reasons, including easy freeway access and the beautiful view. But its history as a Native burial ground played the biggest role.  The Supreme Court recently ruled that old 1850’s treaties allow Indian bands to still hunt and gather on ceded land. It turns out that the term  “gathering” could refer to taking in betting money, so there is a strong legal basis for such a casino
    Construction is scheduled to begin this summer. Conversations with an unnamed St. Paul City Council member confirmed that there had been secret meetings, but refused to go into details. She did say that the neighborhood might receive a small financial stake in the venture. 
   Will the Mounds Park Casino become a reality? Both tribal representatives and local community leaders say you can bet on it.  Happy April Fools!

Bluff Goes Buff

   April 1, 2005 - Thanks to an extensive undercover operation,  a group of investigative reporters have broken a major local news story. It appears that the soon-to-open Vento Nature Sanctuary at the foot of Dayton’s Bluff will include a clothing-optional beach.
    Officials from the City Development Department unveiled the decision and explained that there is a lot of competition in the travel industry today. “We need to do whatever we can to attract visitors to the Capital City and this new beach gives greater diversity to our current array of  tourist attractions.”
   The immediate reaction was one of disbelief on the part of some and anger on the part of others. ‘I didn’t spend the last several years putting in appropriate river-plain natural-community native plants in the area so unclothed people could galavant among them,” one disgruntled area resident commented.
     However, there were strong supporters of the project. The East Side chapter of Minn-Tan, a nudist association was thrilled with the news.  “We have recreational parks, passive parks, even parks for dog running in the city,” said group spokesman Seymour Butts. “It’s about time that an oppressed group like ourselves have a place to express our own naturist philosophy.”
    The Dayton’s Bluff Council has decided to hold a public hearing on the proposed nude beach. “We will be covering the area with flyers,” a member said. “We need to get to the bottom of this, all the way to the naked truth.” A Council  press release said  “the neighborhood needs to strip this issue down to the bare facts and not be mislead by any cover-ups.”  Happy April Fools!

Candyland Splits Family

    April 1, 2005 - After months of fighting a protracted struggle over how to properly play the popular board game “Candyland,” an East Side couple have decided to call it quits.  They had tried pastoral advice, family systems therapy and even repeated consultations with the management of Hasboro, Games.
   It all started when Candyland appeared under the Christmas tree. The easy to play game is usually considered great family fun, and initially it was. But after a few days ugly competition began to creep into the East Fourth Street home. Arguments started to replace smiles around the dining room table. The parents were dragged into the fray.
  “Mommy always took my baby brother’s side,” said little Madison. “It was supposed to be my turn to have the yellow board piece, but she let little bratso have it. It’s not fair.”
    Younger brother Jackson had another view of the problem. “Madison wasn’t playing fair. She said she was Lord Licorice,” the disgruntled boy said.  “But a girl can’t be that. She needs to be  Princess Lolly or Queen Frostine.”
    While arguing among themselves, both agreed twenty-two month old Ian was a big problem. “He smudges everything with peanut butter and jelly fingerprints,” one of them said. Ian was unable to speak to the issue, but did angrily shake a plastic gingerbread man at his siblings.
   The father, along with one of the older children has moved out and filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable recreational differences. “The last straw was when my wife got lost in the lollipop woods and refused to give up her turn,” he shouted to a reporter.
   The two youngest children will remain with the  angry mother, who strongly feels that she is the one who has been the victim of foul play.  “I’ve never seen such a cheater,” she said, referring to her estranged mate. “He moved his piece when no one was looking.  I hope he falls into the  molasses swamp.” 
Happy April Fools!

Paint-By-Number Major

    April 1, 2005 - Many of the readers are aware that  Metropolitan State University opened a new library last fall. There is also a sizeable space reserved for an art gallery to display the works of students and others. But the big news is that, thanks to a major donation from the Woolworth’s Foundation, the building will include a new special collection of paint-by-number art pieces.

   The bulk of the collection will come from an anonymous St. Paul collector who also made a major financial donation. The art department will also have an endowment to collect, preserve and interpret this important artistic form that emerged into prominence in the 1950’s. A resident faculty member proudly pointed out that “this will be the largest such collection in the nation.”
 “The days of finding paint-by-number works at the Goodwill are over,” said the donor in a letter   “Most are now traded on ebay or sold at auction houses such as Christie’s. I feel fortunate that I began gathering mine many years ago when prices were low. Now I want to share my good fortune with the University.”
    Besides housing the permanent collection, the school will develop a class curriculum for a major in paint-by-number art as well a collaborative course with St. Paul Technical College in paint by number design. There will also be visiting shows from other popular art archives in Japan and Albania. The first show, which will be free and open to the public, will open in late April.  It will feature completed renditions of the Statue of Liberty, Wildlife in the Woods and the Mona Lisa.  Happy April Fools!

Japanese Firm Buys Brewery

   April 1, 2005 - In one of the most startling acts of his administration, Mayor Randy Kelly recently signed the papers that turned ownership of the old Hamm’s Brewery to a syndicate of Japanese businessmen. “It was a wonderful chance to find a reuse for the site and to revive the East Side tradition of producing alcohol for human consumption.”
    The group of investors are from the city of Nagasaki, which has had a relationship with the city of St. Paul for several decades. Because of this, the top shelf product will be called  “Sister  City Sake”. The second tier brand names will include  “Maria Dayton’s Revenge,” “East Side Pride” and” Old Pirate,” after a recent owner, who outbid the inept Port Authority for ownership of the buildings.
    Reacting to the news at a Legislative hearing, the Right of the Rural Caucus called for state subsidies to promote rice production on Minnesota family farms.  Representative of the Dakota and Ojibway nations were initially thrilled by the news until they were told that wild rice is not an ingredient of sake.
      Some additional details have started to leak out. Besides the traditional huge subsidies, the investors have insisted on certain community changes. The Karate center at the corner of East Seventh and Eichenwald will become a Sumo Wrestling training center, the Swede Hollow Cafe will see a conversion into a sushi shop, and the Neighborhood Housing Center had to agree to build five hundred units of affordable housing constructed from bamboo and rice paper with oriental style toilet pits.
     The new owners had also been negotiating with the city planning to take over the old Schmidt Brewery since it would be close to the Mall of America. However, because of the experience with the ethanol production at that site, the neighborhood did not have a yen for the proposal.  Happy April Fools!

Dayton’s Bluff to Do Away With Sidewalks

   April 1, 2005 - Dayton's Bluff has been chosen as the first neighborhood in St. Paul to have its sidewalks removed.  Although the initial work will cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars, the project is expected to save millions over the years to come.
   According to Fred Framlick of the St. Paul Public Works Department, sidewalks are an artifact of the past and do not belong in 21st century Saint Paul.  “Sidewalks were a necessity when people actually walked from one place to another.  No one does that anymore,” stated Framlick.  “Suburbs don’t have sidewalks,” he continued, “and look how well they are doing.”
   Sidewalks and boulevards will be torn out and replaced by wider streets.  This will allow for parking on both sides and two full driving lanes, even in winter.  Snow will be plowed directly into front yards.  Some people might complain about this at first but once they realize the time and effort they save by not having to shovel their front sidewalks, they will see the wisdom of this plan.  “Corner lot owners should be ecstatic,” added Framlick.
   Widening the streets will necessitate the removal of all boulevard streetlights and trees.  This won’t make much difference from a lighting standpoint since most of the trees have overgrown the streetlights anyway.  “Dark sky” advocates, such as St. Paul’s two remaining amateur astronomers, couldn’t be happier. “We couldn’t be happier,” they were quoted as saying.
   Dayton’s Bluff received the honor of being the initial test site for this project for a number of reasons.  First of all, the boulevard trees that were planted over the last 20 to 30 years to replace the elms destroyed by Dutch elm disease are now big enough that their roots are breaking up the sidewalks next to them.  This will make sidewalk removal that much easier.
   Second, this neighborhood has the highest per capita percentage of pickup trucks, SUVs and school buses as any in the city.  Wider streets are particularly needed here. 
   Third, no one will miss the sidewalks.  Many aren’t shoveled in winter forcing the few people who have to walk somewhere, to walk in the street anyway.  This even occurs in summer.  Either people don’t realize that the sidewalks are ice-free by then, or else they just enjoy the thrill of watching cars swerve to avoid hitting them, especially after dark. 
   Although no details are available yet, even bigger changes are in store for the city after the last of the sidewalks have been eliminated.  “Suburbs don’t have alleys either,” says Framlick with a twinkle in his eye.  “But they have cul-de-sacs.”   Happy April Fools!